Sad News
Remember how last Monday I was so excited to introduce my new dog, Colette? Well, what I didn’t tell you then was that we hadn’t completely finalised the adoption. The rescue group didn’t know if she was good with cats, so we were doing a kind of foster-to-adopt trial run, just to make sure she could live peacefully with Lestat (our eight-year-old cat). Unfortunately, it turns out that in addition to being a sweet dog who loves people, Colette thinks of cats as larger squirrels. I tried every suggested method to get her used to the cat, but at the end of ten days there was absolutely no sign of improvement. She was also showing every sign of having a high prey drive and viewing cats as prey. That means that when she’s inside, she has to stay in my room, or be on her leash, which is sad for her since she’s curious about what the rest of my family is up to and her curiousity covers more than six feet. It also means that it would take ages to get her to the point where it was ok for her to be offleash in the house, and that we could probably never trust her to be alone with the cat. So I talked it over with the rescue group, and we decided it would be best if they found Colette a cat-free home and work with me to find a dog that won’t want to kill Lestat.
I want to clarify that this is a rescue group, not a pound, so Colette will be able to happily live with her foster mom for as long as it takes for her to find a new home. It was a difficult decision to make, since I have obviously become incredibly attached to her, but I think in the long run she’ll be happier in a different house. Not to mention, it really isn’t fair to our cat to keep her; she already managed to slip through the door once without her leash and chase him around (it was not play-chasing, either). While I rationally know that this is for the best, it’s still incredibly agonising. I just hope that you all will understand; I did not arrive at the decision lightly, and if I thought it was just the normal dog-adjusting-to-cat routine, I would keep working with her. But the rescue group and the various sources that I’ve read all seem to agree that it would unfair to both the cat and the dog to just ‘hope for the best’ and keep the dog living in my room any time she’s indoors. I’ll still be adopting a dog from the same rescue group, and while I still have Colette (the rescue group and I are figuring out the best time to return her to her foster mom and potentially have me bring home another dog; it’s based about 40 minutes south of here and one of the founders has been ill) I’m treating her as before, although it’s breaking my heart, because none of this is her fault. About the only silver lining has been Lestat’s behavior; we got him when he was a kitten and we still had our two English Cocker Spaniels (they’ve both since passed), so he grew up around dogs. And while she was treating him like prey, he merely sat and watched her, rather than running (except for the time she was off leash). That is a good sign that when we find the right dog (aka, one without a high prey drive), we’ll be able to integrate the household.
As I said, I hope that you all understand and don’t think that I’m irresponsible. I probably shouldn’t have introduced her on the blog before introducing her to the cat, but I was just so excited. I will definitely keep you updated on the process, but I won’t be blogging about another dog until I know for sure that s/he will be staying forever. In light of Marie’s post yesterday, I hope this post isn’t too much of an overshare. But I couldn’t exactly introduce a doggie and then never talk about her again without an explanation, could I? I’m very nervous to hit publish, because I’m worried some of my readers might judge me harshly. But as much as Colette has already found a place in my heart, I can’t put Lestat in danger and Colette under possibly-permanent house arrest when the rescue group is willing to find her a different home and me a different, cat-friendly dog. I was originally going to turn off comments, but when I mentioned it to a blogger on Twitter yesterday, she was so supportive and a few others chimed in with their sympathies, so I’m going to leave the comments open with a mere reminder that the rescue group, which has far more experience than me, thinks I made the right choice.
And now I think I’m going to go read some more, giving Colette cuddles while I still can.
A Striped Armchair 
I’m sure you agonized over this and it will be difficult to do, but it sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing. Colette will find a good home and you will find the perfect dog for you – I’m sure of it.
Eva, I’m so sorry to hear that Colette did not work out given your current cat situation, but I totally understand and do not think you are a bad or irresponsible pet owner because of this! I often think it would be fun to get a cat and I’m sure I’d introduce her to the blog world right away if we got one, only I KNOW that our big dog Emmy Lou cannot be around the kitties. She’s a huge cuddlebug with people and other dogs, but she just can’t get over seeing kittens (and squirrels) as snacks. Colette will find a good home, I’m sure, and I know you’ll wind up with a wonderful dog who will fit in with your family.
Awww…Eva don’t feel bad. I’m sure that you will be able to find another rescue dog that will be a perfect fit for your family. It is a good thing that your kitty was so good natured about everything. And I’m sure that they will find a perfect home for Collette as well. I hope for your sake that you find a new dog soon!
I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. You tried, but you need to be fair to the cat since it was in the house first. Colette will be happy at a nice foster family without a cat around. You need to find another little dog who likes cats. Guaranteed one is out there just waiting for you.
And, for what it’s worth, I love the personal stuff! If people don’t want to read it, they won’t.
Eva what a terrible shame. Of course we’re not going to judge you in anyway at all. I’m sure many of us have similar stories to tell. In our family it was the other way round, a new kitten who wouldn’t give our old dog any peace at all. I just hope that Colette will find a good home and that you find a dog you can give all that love you have bursting out to share.
That’s a shame, Eva. It’s a difficult situation but I think we made the right decision. We had a similar situation occur several years ago and had to return a dog to its foster home. It was difficult esp. for my daughters who were quite young, but definitely the right thing for the family and the cats.
Oh no, I’m so sorry it did not work out with Colette and Lestat! But there’s no doubt you are doing the right thing, Eva. As you wrote, keeping Colette would not be fair either to her or to Lestat.
To cheer you up a bit: Are you familiar with the BBC World Book Club podcasts? I’ve absolutely fallen in love with them since I started listening to them a few days ago. I noticed many of your favorite writers have participated in the programme over the years (Byatt, Adichie, Rushdie…) Here’s a link to their programme archive http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/specials/133_wbc_archive_new/index.shtml. If you have an iPod you can also download the newer ones into your iPod.
Aw, I’m sorry about Colette, too, Eva. :( But I’m sure you’ll find a doggie soon that isn’t interested in eating your cat!
Oh I’m so sorry to hear you have to return Colette, Eva! I only hope that you’ll find another dog to care for and Colette will be happy elsewhere.
Also, I’m catching up, so it’s a little late, but it’s good to see you’re doing better and are back to blogging! Good luck with finding the right dog for you and your cat! :)
I volunteer at a rescue shelter, and while it’s always a bit sad to see a dog returning, we always feel like it’s best if the new owner returns them to us, so we can place him in a home where he truly belongs rather than just dumping him on the streets.
It must be very heartbreaking for you, but I think you’re acting the right way.
You have made the right choice. No doubt in my mind. I’ve worked with pounds and rescues more than I ever though I would 15 years ago, for dogs, birds and rabbits. Matching the right dog to the right home is paramount. I wish more people would make the difficult choice you made.
Best of luck with your next dog. And it sounds like you have a great cat.
I’m so sorry to hear this and understand how heartbreaking this is for you. You have the best interests of Colette and Lestat at heart with this decision and this is commendable :o)
I am sorry you had to find Colette a new home, however it sounds like the truly responsible choice.
*hugs*
I am sorry things didn’t work out. Hopefully the next dog will fit in better. :) Dogs are meant to run around and explore, so it really wouldn’t have been fair to always keep her locked up. I am still sorry, though, I know how easy it is to become attached!
That is sad news, but you did the right thing. Here’s to you finding the right dog!
I know you are stressing about this…but you shouldn’t. You’ve taken the most difficult road instead of the easiest…with what’s best for BOTH animals. We adopted a bulldog who after a few short weeks drowned in our pool. I had her on the back porch because of not trusting her with our cats completely and because she was not potty trained as we had been told. I had concerns from the first day she visited us…and should have heeded those concerns. I can tell by your agony over this decision how much you truly care for animals…so imagine our agony when our selfishness cost this beautiful dog her life. I don’t know if my husband and I will ever get over it. We are both animal lovers to the very core…but we’ve learned a difficult lesson…heed the early warnings…and especially when bringing in new animals that are not puppies, make sure the mix is a good one. In my opinion, you are absolutely doing the right thing. Keep your head up and hang in there :)
Oh Eva, I think you are being very responsible about this entire situation! As you said, it wouldn’t be fair to Colette or Lestat to keep them in the same home. Since Colette is a rescue dog and you know she’ll get a good home and be well taken care of and loved until then, not adopting her is a good thing. It’s really the hardest on you. It’s wonderful of you to put the animals first. It’s hard to do when you’ve become attached to Collette. Hopefully, you’ll find the right dog for your family, Lestat included!, very soon. I’ve been involved in many rescues, mostly cats, and adoptions and, believe me, there are so many people who wouldn’t agonize over this or do the really right thing to do like you are.
I love that Lestat just sat and watched Colette and didn’t run away! When I’ve had dogs and cats at the same time, the cats usually run the house and the dogs follow the cats around or avoid them!
Good luck, Eva.
Don’t feel bad about this, Eva! Neither Colette nor Lestat would be happy together, that much is obvious from your post. It’s very sad but by no means makes you a horrible pet owner. I can definitely see how sad it is, though. =/ I hope you find a dog that is perfectly happy living in a mixed animal home soon.
Oh dear, how could you ever think of yourself as irresponsible. You are acting in the most responsible way by making sure both animals are living in a stress free environment. I’m so sorry you got attached to Collette, that’s the most heartbreaking part, but it’s great that you are working with the rescue organization to find a dog that will work well in your home. Best of luck to you and don’t feel bad about doing the right thing!
Oh Eva, I’m so sorry to hear this — and I totally think you’re doing the right thing. *Hugs*
Good luck finding a dog that will work with your current household!
Awww, how hard! But it will all work out for the best in the end — being that it’s a rescue group you’re working with.
I am so sorry that it did not work out, but like you said there are ways to find a better match for all parties involved. Also, I do not think that the post is oversharing. The blog is a personal space and should be used to communicate whatever you like :)
The most important thing is that Colette finds a good home where she can be herself in a safe and friendly environment. Sadly for some dogs that means households without cats, and I am so sorry for that means she cannot be a part of your family. I wish you all the best in finding a new doggy companion. So glad you are sticking around here. ;)
Thinking of you! xx
Oh bless you you’re doing the right thing for Colette and for Lestat (who you’ve had so long and must protect obviously). Pets don’t want to live in houses with animals they don’t like/want to eat and Colette has a foster mum to go to so she’ll be fine (although she won’t get as cool a name again I bet you), bound to be happy to see people she knows again. Sometimes mixes don’t work, but you cna’t know until you try and I bet there are hundreds of people in situations like yours.
Oh Eva, I’m sure that must have been a difficult decision for you and your family to make. But like you said, you are a family and everyone has to be happy and free in it including Lestat who shouldn’t have to live in fear (I love the name you’ve chosen for your cat!) I hope you will meet another dog that you can welcome into your family and I’m sure Colette will find a loving family to welcome her.
Doing the right thing for everyone involved is hardly irresponsible. Colette will find an awesome, cat-free home, and you will find the perfect dog that doesn’t treat your cat like a squirrel. I know it’s wrenching but you’re doing the right thing <3
Eva, you did the right thing.No one would hold it against you and we would make the same decision. You are right it isn’t fair to her and although it probably hurts like hell, you were right to do it.
So sad to hear and a hard decision to make, we had to give up our dog when family cicumstances changed and he would have been alone for too much time each day, it broke everyones heart in the family but now he lives with an old retired couple so has the company he craves x
Oh Eva – what a hard decision. But you have made the right one – and a very responsible one too. Colette will be happier able to satisfy her curiosity in a cat free home, Lestat will be happier when he’s not prey – and you will be happier not worrying about both of them! Here’s to Colette’s new me and your cat-friendly dog to come.
Eva, so sorry to hear that Colette didn’t fit in. I’m quite sure she will find a wonderful home and that you were a wonderful foster mother to her for these weeks she was with you. And lastly, I am quite sure you will find the perfect dog for you and your family and look forward to hearing all about it when you are ready to share.
I know it is difficult, but you are absolutely doing the right thing by both animals! The fact that the shelter and the foster mother agree with you should, I hope, make you feel a little bit better. You were an awesome parent while Colette was with you. A piece of your heart will always be with Colette wherever she finds a home (and she will), but we cannot expect an animal to change its essential nature just to please us. That never works. I am sorry that you must give Colette up, but am equally sure that you will find a dog who won’t treat Lestat as “prey” and a long, loving relationship will result from it.
Hang in there!
Just wanted to echo everyone else’s comments that you are absolutely doing the best thing. I can’t imagine anyone judging you harshly for wanting Collette and Lestat to have the best possible living situation.
Eva, I don’t think you have anything to feel bad about…you’re being responsible and doing what is best for both Lestat and Colette!
Yes, you have nothing to feel bad about! If anything, you should be proud to show so much responsibility and care surrounding your pets! More people should take such care!
It is a bummer though, but your pets need to be happy too. I really want a dog as well, but with three cats, we are going to go through a big period of adjustment when we do get one. My cats are very defensive, so I am sure it will be a big undertaking when we finally make that decision.
I don’t think you’re being irresponsible at all! Animals have personalities like people and you never know if they are going to click until they move in. You got to do what’s best for the ‘people’ living in your house already.
You can see how we feel about the sharing from all theses comments, Eva!! There will be a puppy out there that is just right for your household. Believe it!!
Eva, I’m so sorry to hear that you can’t keep Colette, but it’s for the best, and you are doing the right thing. Lestat shouldn’t have to live in fear, and it wouldn’t be fair on Colette to have to live in your room or be on the leash in the house. I’m sure she’ll find the ideal home soon enough, and I hope it won’t be long before you find a dog who can live happily with your cat.
We had the opposite situation – my dad got a rescue dog when he retired, and the dog didn’t chase the cat – the cat chased the dog! Luckily she (the cat) more or less got over it after a few days, although she would still take a swipe at him (claws out) from time to time, usually when she was in a bad mood. After she died, the dog started to chase the neighbourhood cats – we think in revenge. :)
Anyway, I’m sorry you’ve had to give Colette up, but I’m sure you will soon find a dog who gets on well with all members of your family. And thank you for sharing the story on your blog – I would have wondered if Colette had never been mentioned again.
Judge you harshly? You’re doing the right and responsible thing as an owner! I hope Colette finds a wonderful home and you get a wonderful and very laid-back dog soon.
Oh, Eva, I’m so sorry to hear the new dog won’t work out with your kitty! I can’t imagine anyone would judge you harshly — when there are more than one pet in a house, you have to take both of their needs into consideration. I give you more internet hugs! And I hope that you are able to find a dog that suits your needs very soon. #hughughug
I don’t think this post is oversharing. You’re doing the right thing by giving your new doggie back. I hope you find a dog that can love Lestat as much as you do. Good luck.
Sorry to hear the bad news. I am quite confident you will soon find a more than suitable replacement for Collette.
I think it’s cool you have a cat named Lestat ! Years ago I met some folks who had a black cat who was also named Lestat. I think that’s a cool cat name !
Once again, sorry to hear the bad news !!!
A girl I work with is trying to buy a new horse and so she has been going around checking out new ones. We have started to refer to the process as dating (and when she went to see three in one day it was speed dating!), as it is important that the personalities fit as well as the other factors involved.
Whilst this hurts at the moment, I am sure that you will find the perfect dog for you when the time is right.
(((Eva)))
Oh Eva, I hope all the support here helps you to look at Colette and know that you both deserve the best – which for you, is a dog who can blend into your family (including Lestat the cat, I love that name!), and for Colette, is a place without a pet she can unintentionally hurt because of who she is. I think it’s very wise of you, and that in her dog-heart, Colette will forgive you – that’s the hard part, is explaining so they will understand too. Be kind to yourself and know that you are doing such a lovely thing in rescuing a dog, too.
Eva, this situation is nobody’s fault. You knew that you would have to introduce the animals and that it might not work out. It didn’t and there’s nothing that you could do about it. The only bad decision would have been to get rid of the cat in favor of the new dog (which I’ve sadly seen happen). I’m sorry that you have to lose your new friend but hope that the next doggie will be able to have cat friends too!
Eva,
I think you are very considerate and thoughtful to
all parties involved. It is painful to give up Colette as you have grown attached to her but at the same time you are also being a responsible owner to Lestat.
I hope you can find the right dog for this family in due time. Don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault.
*hugs* I’ve been thinking of you ever since our Twitter conversation. It’s such a tough call, and it’s difficult for all involved, but you’ve made the right decision for your pets’ happiness. I know Colette will find a wonderful new home, and I’m sure you’ll find a sweet doggie who gets along with your entire family, cat and all.
Oh, Eva, so very sorry. But you have to protect your cat, and Colette is so lovable, she will find a good home that is cat free…and you will definitely find a dog that can live with a cat. (My previous dog was completely subservient to our cat, even chasing “bad cats” away from her.) You acted in every way like a responsible pet owner should…I am sending perfect-puppy-search thoughts your way.
*points upward* I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but my mother is very wise and always right.
Oh Eva, what sad news. I’m sorry you had to say goodbye to your new friend already, but it seems as though you definitely made the right decision. I’m sure the perfect, cat friendly dog is out there just waiting for you to find him!
So sorry Eva, this must be rough! I know how easy it is to get attached to pets once you adopt them. When I got my cat, Hannah, it was just a couple of days until I knew that if I had to give her up it would be agonizing. Even though it’s hard, I think it’s better you’re letting her go and looking for a dog that fits in better with your family. In the long run, that will be better for everyone, and Colett seemed so sweet that I’m sure she’ll find another good home.
That really is too bad, Eva! I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I totally understand about wanting to share big things like this with everyone else before it’s official. I hope that it’s not too long before you can find a dog that gets along with your cat :)
As I said about Marie’s post, it’s impossible to share too much for my taste! It does sound like you’re doing the right thing, to echo everyone else here. I had to do a similar thing with a parakeet when it became clear that my new cat couldn’t safely live in the house with the bird. It still breaks my heart, but that’s part of being a responsible pet owner.
I don’t think your irresponsible at all – in fact exactly the opposite! It’s completely understandable to want to share your excitement about a new pet with everyone. It has to be immeasurably difficult to give a pet back, and I think you’re being so unselfish to put both of the animals’ needs first. I hope you find another wonderful animal companion soon!
You deserve a lot of credit for that decision, Eva, so don’t be too hard on yourself. It had to be so hard to let Colette go back! I send you good luck for finding a more cat-friendly dog.
Eva, it sounds like you made the best possible decision. It’s a terrible thing to have to go through, but I’m sure you’ll find a dog that fits your household better and that you, your family, and the animals will be happier for it.
Of course no one would think ill of you for this, Eva. You absolutely made the right decision. Also… I just don’t know about this oversharing stuff. Your blog is your blog, do what you want to do. Write what you want to write about. I love to hear about your and everyone else’s life on their blogs (as long as there’s some serious book conversations going on sometimes too!)
I’m so sorry that this happened, Eva. I know what it is like to have something like this and be thought of as irresponsible :( It’s hard, even when you know you are making the right decision.
Oh, I’m so sorry that Colette didn’t work out. It was clear how excited you were. Hopefully, you can find another dog that will get along with you AND Lestat.
Being mature and sensible and clear-eyed can suck immensely, but you’re doing the right thing. I had a dog/cat situation about 10 years ago, so I can relate. Hugs for you, and a scratch behind the ears to Colette and some virtual catnip for Lestat.
You did the right thing, Eva. Dogs’ natures simply CANNOT be changed. You are giving Colette the new perfect home by letting her go. She wasn’t happy having to deal with the cat. You will find a new dog who loves Lestat.
sorry hear that Eva ,winston would be same he not a cat dog ,all the best stu
Oh, Eva, we wouldn’t judge you harshly. I think most of us would be in exactly the same position as you – So excited to introduce her to your blogging friends. You’re definitely doing the right thing for both Colette and Lestat. They’ll both be happier this way and, I have no doubt in my mind, that Colette feels the love you’re giving her anyway. Dogs are wonderful that way.
You are doing the best thing for dog, cat, and family so hang in there and it will all work out in the end.
Ouch, heartbreak!! I’m so sorry that Collette thought of Lestat as a tasty morsel rather than a sibling but you’ve absolutely done the right thing and for good reasons. People who abandon animals on the streets (MAJOR cause of anger for me) and people who ditch their pets for no better reason than inconvenience to their lives are the ones who should be judges harshly. Not you. You tried, in good faith, but like you said – it just won’t work.
As for the sharing of personal life… I actually like it and appreciate when a blogger shares a bit about themselves. When that happens I feel like I’m getting to know the person and feel more connected to their blog. Which I like. Of course it’s a personal choice and we’re all in control of exactly what we put on our blogs and as far as I’m aware, although many have opinions, there are no hard and fast rules. You write what you write and people like it and read, or they don’t. I love your blog so I keep reading :)
Eva, sweetie, as someone who has been in a very similar situation (actually, near-identical), let me tell you that you are not irresponsible. I know it’s heartbreaking, but the decision to do right by both Lestat and Colette and look for another dog is the most responsible one to take. (It’s also the hardest, I know, and rather than tell you off for it and judge you harshly, I want to tell you that I am incredibly proud of you for having the sense and the strength to walk this route, no matter how much it hurts. Not sure how much my opinion is worth since I’m a near-complete stranger, but I still am.)
Even if you managed to create a decent separation between the two that would let Colette off the leash/into more of the house without trying to deal with the Cats Are Prey issue, you’d never be able to let Lestat go outside again if he’s an outdoor-loving cats and you’d be forced to divide your attention between the two of them in ways that do make the attention unequal. Plus, it might create great arguments and rifts in the household and further aggravate the situation because pets do pick up on the friction. It’s not fair on anyone involved.
So, if the decision gets you down again or worried people will think you’re irresponsible for it, just come look back at all these comments and see how many people other than the rescue group think you’ve handled this responsibly. It’s completely understandable to be excited about a new pet only to discover that they don’t fit into your home. It happens. You’ve recognised it and found the strength to give both Lestat and Colette (and by extension your whole family) the house that they deserve. Even if it might take a little longer for Colette to find another home and even if it breaks your heart to do it. *sends good thoughts* I wish more people in this situation were as responsible and sensible as you have been, Eva.
That’s a tough one. But it is typical that some dogs cuddle with cats and some don’t. I’ve had two dogs that think they are the kitty’s mother. I also had an trial adoption of a cat and she ran roughshod over my gentle dog, guarded the stairs so she couldn’t get by, and messed with her in every way possible. So they also had to part ways. You’re doing the absolute right thing. Sometimes you don’t know until you try it.
oh Eva, I’m so sorry! Hugs!
I’m sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you are being very responsible and doing the right thing. ((HUGS))
Oh, Eva, that’s so sad! I’m sorry you have to give the dog up. One of my best friends had to do the same when her parents realized her mom was very allergic, and I remember it being very upsetting for everyone. It’s easy to get attached quickly. I have never been a pet person myself- I haven’t ever had one and I don’t think I want one, but part of the reason for that is because I think it would be so painful to get attached to something whose life expectancy is much shorter than mine (morbid, I know). I’m sorry you had to give Collette back, but I hope she finds a very happy place elsewhere!
No judgement here, for sure! I’m positive you made the most responsible decision you could in light of the situation. I’m sorry you couldn’t keep her, but it’ll all work out for the best. :) Huggggs!
Oh Eva certainly no judging here. You have to make sure the dog you choose with be a good fit for the family, and it wouldn’t be fair for the dog to be leashed in your room at all times either. Very responsible decision I think and sorry you have been having such a hard time.